A Week's Worth
"Not now! Not today!" I plead with God for mercy. It was this past Tuesday morning. My week was full and car trouble was not what I needed to add to my plate. I heard my car make an awful noise as I drove to the high school to visit the students during lunch. It was a squealing sound of a belt coming from somewhere near the engine. I pulled into the parking lot of the high school and popped open the hood. Something was not right. "Dad, do you hear that sound?" My dad is the all knowing, all able, exceptional mechanic, surely he would be able to tell me what the problem was and tell me exactly what I should do. "I don't hear it," he said. Holding the phone under the hood so that he could get a good listen and diagnose the situation, I yelled, "That's my car!" So what if he is 850 miles away, he is still my dad and an auto mechanic. To my dismay he couldn't tell me what was making the noise but he offered some suggestions.
Obviously I needed to get my car to the shop. I called the pastor at the church and asked him to come take a look at it. I could feel my stress level rise as I thought about the time it would take to get it fixed and the amount of money involved. I had turned off the engine when I called the pastor and decided that I should start it again just to make sure that there was a problem. This time it made no noise, no loud squeal, no knocking of parts. Could it be that there was not a problem after all? Then I heard what sounded like water running. As I looked under my car, I saw anti-freeze flowing onto the pavement. My car was dead. It was bleeding out. There was no way that I could drive it to the auto shop. This meant a tow truck and maybe a rental car.
The pastor arrived and agreed that I would not be able to drive it. He offered to take me to the church and allow me to take the church van back to school. You see, I had a test in one of my classes in less than two hours. It wasn't just any test - it was a midterm, one of two tests that I have in this class all semester. I needed to do a little last minute studying and certainly prepare my mind mentally for the challenge of the essays. My mind was rattled and my spirits were knocked down. As I arrived at church I went to the youth house to make the obvious phone calls to the mechanic, tow service, and Dad, but also I needed to relax. I had brought a sandwich for lunch and planned on studying while I ate. Staring at my class notes I began to panic - would I really be prepared for this test? How could I focus now? How much was it going to cost to repair my car? Perhaps insurance would cover it if it was related to the road debris that hit my car Sunday afternoon. I needed to speak with my insurance. Was my dad going to offer to help me pay? Did I want him to pay? The pain I felt of my ER bill came back again. How am I ever going to pay off my credit card bills when things like this happen?
I called my professor and left a desperate message on his voice mail for him to call me. At that time I wasn't even sure that I could get to class in time. I grabbed the keys to the church van and went back to the high school to leave my key under the floor mat for the wrecker guy. Then I took off for class - in the big 15 passenger van. It was highly amusing. All I could think of was having to drive the van for weeks while my car underwent repair. If I had the money I would certainly rent a car, but the van was free.
Racing into class the professor handed me the test, I looked at him and asked if he had received my message. He said, "No, what was it about?" I explained briefly that my car broke down that morning and I wasn't sure that I would be able to take the test. He offered me 15 minutes to collect myself and relax then I could come in and take the test. I kindly accepted but honestly, I just wanted to take the test some other time. My hope came true as he followed me out the door and told me to come to either of his classes the next day and take the test then. He must have seen the stress on my face and in my voice. "Thank you! I will come tomorrow at 1:00." With sweet relief I walked outside to an on-campus cafe and sat in the shade to be silent and still. Where was God with His blessings? Didn't God know that I can't afford a large mechanic bill?
I took out my Bible and began to read the assignment for my Old Testament class. I had a mid-term in that class on Thursday. This week was not the week to mess with me. I needed comfort. Where was I to turn? Something in my heart told me that it would be good for me to read the assigned books in the Hebrew scriptures and think about the message of the prophets. There wasn't any great revelation - simply a reminder of God's faithfulness to His people. Yes, God is faithful, even when things break down!
The mechanic called me back that afternoon. The problem was with the water pump. It would have to be replaced along with the timing belt. There were a few other items plus labor and the total was just under $500. The damage was unrelated to the road debris so insurance was not going to cover it. I am thankful now that I am working two jobs. I called to tell my dad the diagnosis and of course, he said, "I'll have a check in the mail to you by the end of the week." Why? The check will not be for the entire cost. I know he can't afford it. He will send what he can and that will be enough. I struggle to accept it. What is this about? What does it say about me that I have to have my parents send me money? Feelings of dependency, inadequacy, weakness, and incompleteness invade my heart. Why do I value independence and strength?
There is a very real lesson here. My significance comes from being able to provide for myself. This is a lie. My significance is in Christ! Whether or not I can pay for things myself does not determine how important I am in this world. It sounds ridiculous but how many people believe this lie? The homeless woman on the streets of Waco is just as significant as the woman living in the mansion. In the eyes of God we are all worth the same amount. How I want to live with this truth in my heart!
Obviously I needed to get my car to the shop. I called the pastor at the church and asked him to come take a look at it. I could feel my stress level rise as I thought about the time it would take to get it fixed and the amount of money involved. I had turned off the engine when I called the pastor and decided that I should start it again just to make sure that there was a problem. This time it made no noise, no loud squeal, no knocking of parts. Could it be that there was not a problem after all? Then I heard what sounded like water running. As I looked under my car, I saw anti-freeze flowing onto the pavement. My car was dead. It was bleeding out. There was no way that I could drive it to the auto shop. This meant a tow truck and maybe a rental car.
The pastor arrived and agreed that I would not be able to drive it. He offered to take me to the church and allow me to take the church van back to school. You see, I had a test in one of my classes in less than two hours. It wasn't just any test - it was a midterm, one of two tests that I have in this class all semester. I needed to do a little last minute studying and certainly prepare my mind mentally for the challenge of the essays. My mind was rattled and my spirits were knocked down. As I arrived at church I went to the youth house to make the obvious phone calls to the mechanic, tow service, and Dad, but also I needed to relax. I had brought a sandwich for lunch and planned on studying while I ate. Staring at my class notes I began to panic - would I really be prepared for this test? How could I focus now? How much was it going to cost to repair my car? Perhaps insurance would cover it if it was related to the road debris that hit my car Sunday afternoon. I needed to speak with my insurance. Was my dad going to offer to help me pay? Did I want him to pay? The pain I felt of my ER bill came back again. How am I ever going to pay off my credit card bills when things like this happen?
I called my professor and left a desperate message on his voice mail for him to call me. At that time I wasn't even sure that I could get to class in time. I grabbed the keys to the church van and went back to the high school to leave my key under the floor mat for the wrecker guy. Then I took off for class - in the big 15 passenger van. It was highly amusing. All I could think of was having to drive the van for weeks while my car underwent repair. If I had the money I would certainly rent a car, but the van was free.
Racing into class the professor handed me the test, I looked at him and asked if he had received my message. He said, "No, what was it about?" I explained briefly that my car broke down that morning and I wasn't sure that I would be able to take the test. He offered me 15 minutes to collect myself and relax then I could come in and take the test. I kindly accepted but honestly, I just wanted to take the test some other time. My hope came true as he followed me out the door and told me to come to either of his classes the next day and take the test then. He must have seen the stress on my face and in my voice. "Thank you! I will come tomorrow at 1:00." With sweet relief I walked outside to an on-campus cafe and sat in the shade to be silent and still. Where was God with His blessings? Didn't God know that I can't afford a large mechanic bill?
I took out my Bible and began to read the assignment for my Old Testament class. I had a mid-term in that class on Thursday. This week was not the week to mess with me. I needed comfort. Where was I to turn? Something in my heart told me that it would be good for me to read the assigned books in the Hebrew scriptures and think about the message of the prophets. There wasn't any great revelation - simply a reminder of God's faithfulness to His people. Yes, God is faithful, even when things break down!
The mechanic called me back that afternoon. The problem was with the water pump. It would have to be replaced along with the timing belt. There were a few other items plus labor and the total was just under $500. The damage was unrelated to the road debris so insurance was not going to cover it. I am thankful now that I am working two jobs. I called to tell my dad the diagnosis and of course, he said, "I'll have a check in the mail to you by the end of the week." Why? The check will not be for the entire cost. I know he can't afford it. He will send what he can and that will be enough. I struggle to accept it. What is this about? What does it say about me that I have to have my parents send me money? Feelings of dependency, inadequacy, weakness, and incompleteness invade my heart. Why do I value independence and strength?
There is a very real lesson here. My significance comes from being able to provide for myself. This is a lie. My significance is in Christ! Whether or not I can pay for things myself does not determine how important I am in this world. It sounds ridiculous but how many people believe this lie? The homeless woman on the streets of Waco is just as significant as the woman living in the mansion. In the eyes of God we are all worth the same amount. How I want to live with this truth in my heart!
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