The Pain

Every now and then the pain in my finger returns. It is usually when someone shakes my hand or I grab something tightly. Neither one of these is the reason I feel the pain at this moment. Right now my finger is throbbing as I stare at the ER bill and wonder how in the world I am suppose to pay for it. It is unreal how expensive it is to get your finger X-rayed and have some doctor tell you that you simply sprained it. The way the hospital gets you in and out of the ER without paying a thing is impressive. You think, "Wow, that was simple. I made the right decision in having it checked out. Even though it wasn't anything serious, the doc said that it could have been." Then the bill comes in the mail a month later. The experience I had in the ER has turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes and most expensive mistakes ever! If they would have told me the total before I signed all the paper work I never would have gone in. I didn't even get the prescription filled that the doctor gave me for the pain! I wish that it was like a department store. When you realize that you don't really need the item and it cost too much anyway, then you can return it. But not an ER visit. I am stuck with a rather large bill.

I called my insurance company just to make sure that it was right and they had not made a mistake in not paying more than they did. Despite my hopes and prayers, they have not made a mistake and that is the total that I owe the hospital. So I called the hospital to see what options I had for paying this bill. It's crazy, but when the guy asked me if I wanted to set up a payment plan I kind of laughed and said, "yeah, I guess that's what I need to do." The laughter was to mask the shaking in my voice as I held back the tears. I can't afford to pay it all at once. I'm not sure I can afford to pay it in installments but I certainly will try.

The thought crossed my mind of calling my parents. Do I tell them about this or hide it? The thing is: I know what they will do. I know exactly what my dad will do. He will ask, "Well, how much do you need?" If I told him, the check would arrive in the mail next week. Why does that bring more tears to my eyes? I am old enough to pay for my own medical bills - right? Many of my friends are making house payments alone and I am weepy over a simple ER payment! This is when it stinks to be single and alone and 800 miles away from parents! That is how I am feeling today. Alone.

I really don't have it rough. Now comes the guilt of feeling sorry for myself. I am not allowed to feel this way. I live in a house (if you call a rented trailer a house). I own my own car. I have a job. I am getting a higher education. I have people that I call my friends. I have loving parents. I am forgiven by God and set free by Christ. Praise the Lord! His mercy is great! His love endures forever! He is my strength and my provider!